Royal Tunbridge Wells has been a popular tourist destination for over three centuries and is the perfect setting for a romantic weekend break. With this in mind the gift shop stocks a wide range of high quality erotica and related adult pleasure toys and furniture to ensure that the discerning gentleman and his eager filly can make the most of their stay. While showing only a small selection from our extensive catalogue online, patrons can rest assured that behind the red velvet curtains of our ‘adults only’ alcove they will find everything they could ever wish for and much more besides. With larger items (slings, stocks, racks etc) available for hire by the hour, day or week at very reasonable rates the options really are endless, and as with all our services discretion is completely assured.
The Chums condom range offers a wide variety of superior prophylactics created exclusively for our customers by our in-house designer, Mssr. Claude. Lovingly crafted using intestines harvested from 100% organically reared sheep and cattle, each sheath is hand finished by one of our expert ‘ribbers and ticklers’ and lubricated with a special blend of emollients, oils and spices created in our own laboratories to ensure the ultimate pleasure experience. Whether doing one’s duty with the lady of the manor or rogering the nanny for fun and recreation, Chums condoms ensure you will always rise to the occasion and guarantee the most comfortable and exhilarating of rides, however rough or rocky the terrain. Available in all standard and non-standard sizes and in a full range of width fittings. Flavoured varieties include; ‘Springwater Chocolate Ganache’, ‘Artisan Cup-Cake’, ‘Red Onion Marmalade’, ‘Barista Twister’ (coffee – available in a full range of distinctive blends), ‘Green Tea’, ‘Lavender’ (a traditional favourite stocked largely for our older patrons, but currently enjoying something of a renaissance) and Nandos™ Piri-Piri Chicken. £19.99 per pack of 3 or only £74.99 per pack of 12 (excluding postage).
The Jugged Hare:
Ladies, why settle for a rabbit when you could experience the full magnificence of The Jugged Hare? This luxury item, designed exclusively for us by Mssr. Claude in association with DeWalt, offers a full range of interchangeable heads and no less than eight speed settings to match your every mood. With Supagrip™ non-slip technology the thermally controlled ‘bunny ear’ love-handles offer the ultimate in warmth, durability and practicality, and the powerful 3000w motor will ensure hours of safe, sensual self-satisfaction without the fear of overheating often associated with inferior models. The set comes complete with spare batteries and a mains adaptor to ensure you never get caught wanting. Only £499.99 + shipping.
Queen Victoria’s Secret:
Prince Albert was renowned for his dashing and daring ‘hood ornament’, but what is less well documented is Victoria’s own predilection for jewellery of the genitalia. We are delighted and proud to offer a full range of baubles, trinkets and adornments in honour of Royal Tunbridge Wells’ most loyal and much loved patron, and can offer a discrete piercing, bespoke-tailoring and fitting service via our combined health spa, beauty clinique and fitness centre, which is located within easy walking distance of the main gift shop.
In addition to body jewellery and art we also stock a full range of accessories, including nipple and meatus clamps; love eggs, beads and other insertives ; whips, chains and associated materials of bondage, together with a full range of leather and latex wear and an extensive wardrobe of ‘playtime’ clothing. Jewellery items and insertives are available in a wide variety of precious and semi-precious materials, including ethically sourced ivory from our own herds of sustainable and organically reared free-range elephants*. Our clinique also offers sunbed and spray-tanning services, and a full range of facial and full-body beauty and cosmetic treatments, including the legendary ‘Fabergéazzle’, which lifts beetle-bonnet enjewelment to the level of high art. For the gentleman of the house we offer full scrotal, upper-posterial and buttock-cleft epilation in our fully soundproofed waxing emporium.
* We would assure customers that animal welfare is our number one priority here at the Tunbridge Wells Gift Shop. In addition to our own elephant herds we manage our own tiger and rhinoceros farms in order to sustainably source penises and horns respectively for our range of aphrodisiacs, and additionally offshore farm our own free-ranging pod of sperm whale from which we source the ambergris for our toiletry, parfum, and aftershave collections.
The items detailed above offer only a tiny sample from the extensive range of exclusive designer products available at our 18+ store. For the full catalogue, including the Queen Victoria’s Secret supplement, please write to us at: The Royal Tunbridge Wells Gift Shop, Chalybeate House, Lord North Avenue, TN1 1ME enclosing an A4 SAE and your remittance of £19.99 + £4.99 p&p. Please mark all envelopes PERVERT’S SECTION in large red capitals (as shown) on the front of the envelope and add your name and address to the rear to facilitate a prompt response from our administration team. PLEASE NOTE: There is usually a handling charge for returned goods, which, in the case of insertives, clamps and intimate jewellery items, can exceed the original cost of the items themselves.
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