F**k the Grammar Nazi’s*

This is a pome about a vile, snitty brand of pseudo-intellectual one-upmanship that is becoming increasingly prevalent on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. It annoys me so much that I wrote a short story, The Adventures of Snitty the Piss Weasel, about it, but even that didn’t get it out of my system. Hence this pome.

If you’ve been a victim of the Grammar Nazi’s* you have my sympathy, and I for one am willing to give the benefit of the doubt that – just like me – you know full well how to use apostrophes etc but occasionally make typos. If you are one of the Grammar Nazi’s** then just get over yourself, you miserable little tosspot/potess…

I sincerely doubt
That if Shakespeare were alive today
He would spend much time worrying
About greengrocers’ apostrophes.

I similarly doubt
That Hemingway would give a flying fuck,
To paraphrase a lyric from a song by Vampire Weekend,
About an Oxford comma.

I find it hard to imagine that any great writer,
Living or dead,
Would pull themselves out of that zone
Where inspiration flows through them like water
To correct a confusion between the words ‘their’ (t.h.e.i.r)
And ‘they’re (t.h.e.y, apostrophe, r.e)
Or to check precise parameters
For the correct utilisation of a semicolon in a sentence
As prescribed by Strunk and White.

I believe that writers write
And that they largely leave that other stuff

For editors
And schoolteachers
And Piss Weasel’s***.


snitty* The greengrocers’ apostrophe is deliberate – just to piss them off.

** Still deliberate, for the same reason.

*** See above.



4 thoughts on “F**k the Grammar Nazi’s*”

  1. Yerse… It is a very snitty thing to do, isn’t it? I think the only solution is a ‘name and shame’ campaign, exposing their wankspanneriness to the world via the very same social networking sites they infect with their smuggery. The problem is, however, that at the moment there seem to be more of ‘them’ than ‘us’, though I suspect many of ‘them’ are actually just semi-literate Emperor’s New Clothesers joining in to avoid revealing their own ignorance. Piss Weasels indeed… (or ‘Piss Weasel’s, if you really want to rub their noses in it ;-)). Thanks for comment

  2. I’m sort of with you and not! I agree about the use of the comma and punctuation but when the meaning of a sentence is changed (the difference between ‘helping your Uncle Jack off a horse’ and ‘helping your uncle jack off a horse) then I am a Nazi I’m afraid! Great peom! thanks for linking to Prose for Thought!

    1. No problem with that! My issue is more to do with the way people go about it and their reasons for doing so… the smuggery, snittery buggeriness of it all and their absolute disregard for the content or meaning of whatever they’re reading when there is quite clearly a context informing meaning regardless of the typo.

      Of course, they can always take the moral high ground because TECHNICALLY they’re right, but their reasons are almost always Pissweasely and passive-aggressive rather than well-intentioned. I always think they’re the grown ups that children who took the piss out of disabled kids at school grew up to be… Thanks for comment 🙂

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