Moan Moan, Gripe Gripe, Happy New Year…

My New Year’s resolution this year is to spend less time blogging and more time writing ‘properly’ (which is in no way meant to imply that blogging isn’t proper writing – it’s just to differentiate between what my writing intentions are and what my actual output has mainly seemed to consist of over the past year or so). To date I have failed miserably, because I’ve hit a great big wall with ‘Writers’ Block’ spray-painted right the way across it, but I’m determined to smash right through that even if I have to spend the next six months just learning how to manoeuvre the wrecking ball. It might help if I had Miley Cyrus dangling off it in crop top and knickers, but I fear that might prove even more distracting if not downright inappropriate for a man of my advanced years…

Anyhoo, the long and the short of it is that rather than aiming to write a blog about nothing every week I plan to post only when and if I have something specific I want to get off my chest. I’ll also be bunging up occasional poems and stories in the prose & poetry sections as the fancy takes me. So enough new stuff, hopefully, to make it worthwhile for regular readers to check in, but not so much that I can use it to indulge myself in the procrastination, avoidance and denial to which I am most naturally inclined.

I still have a few blogs from the old site which need porting over, one of which follows. ‘Tis sad to relate that over the past two years the status quo has changed hardly at all, so references to the Mayan calendar and the end of the world aside… …

[orig published Thursday, 5 Jan 2012]

Oh well, that’s 2011 done and dusted – and what a roller-coaster of a year it’s been! Well, I say ‘roller-coaster year’ but in reality it was really just that bit in August when we were in Florida riding roller-coasters, and even that was much less roller-coasterish than I would have liked on account of the squitts and the vomiting that regular readers of my blog will remember me writing about in graphic detail after we returned to good ol’ blighty. New readers of my blog will be able to find it, should they so desire, by typing ‘what I did on my holidays’ into the search engine at the top of the page, which will reveal all five blogs detailing that ill-fated, squitty, vomitty summer sojourn. Continue reading “Moan Moan, Gripe Gripe, Happy New Year…”

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Not a post, as such…

… but a heads up on a new old bit of prose I’ve added to the ‘Prose’ section, on realising that I’d never got round to porting it here from my old Moonfruit website. Just click on the image to read…

snitty

Santa’s Blog – It’s Christmas Eve!

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December 24 2013

By the cringe, it’s a bit tata’s today, ennit? Normally the weather doesn’t bother me, but I’m feeling it today even with a pair of the missus’s tights over the top of me thermals. Gonna be a hell of a struggle when I want a pee, but better that than a frozen fundament, eh?

Last year we took Winona with us, and she paraded around in a crop-top the size of a hanky and a mini-skirt that barely covered her assets. I dunno how these young girls do it; they must have antifreeze for blood or something. She’s staying at home this year, of course. She offered, but if anything happened to her and the bump I’d never forgive myself and there’s so many satellites up there these days its always a bit hairy, even with the radar. Frosty’s coming, of course, and all the elves and S junior, and it’s brilliant that Rudolph is back in harness. This time last year I thought I’d never see him up front again: thanks, Big G, I owe you one. Continue reading “Santa’s Blog – It’s Christmas Eve!”

Santa’s Blog – Day 11

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December 23 2013

Well here we are; the night before the big delivery night, which is my big Christmas night out. We had a brilliant evening planned at Northern Lights for their Open Mic comedy night and we’d been really looking forward to it. There was me and the missus; Frosty and Winona; Tinks and her boyfriend, Peter (strange fella – needs to grow up a bit if you ask me), and Alf and his boyfriend, Alan. We took Snow White along with us and all (don’t know how she hasn’t been snapped up yet, but I guess with the 7 littluns it must be hard finding someone ready for that kind of commitment) and drafted in Abominable for babysitting, He’s great with them, but we’ve told them not to let him near their rabbit no matter how much he pleads. Continue reading “Santa’s Blog – Day 11”

Santa’s Blog – Day 10

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December 22 2013

Ugh! Well that’s that over for another year, thank heavens. Christmas shopping – what a pain in the bum! Thank heavens I’ve got Frosty to schlep around the shops with – at least we can have a bit of a giggle while we’re about it, which is more than you can say for the other grim eyed beggars wandering around desperately trying to think of something to buy the little lady indoors. Bath bombs, perfume, Oil of bleedin’ Ulay… honestly, what do they do with it all? I got Aunt Nancy a few bath bombs, so that’s her sorted. Mind you, she’s carrying so much weight these days I suppose I really should have got her a couple of bath depth charges!

Of course, that kind of stuff is easy. They can’t get enough of the smellies and body lotions – all you have to do is check the dressing table and bathroom cabinet to make sure you get the right flavours and you can’t go wrong. It’s the main present that causes all the agro. Get that wrong and you’re in the doghouse for months. Continue reading “Santa’s Blog – Day 10”