Santa’s Blog – It’s Christmas Eve!


December 24 2013

By the cringe, it’s a bit tata’s today, ennit? Normally the weather doesn’t bother me, but I’m feeling it today even with a pair of the missus’s tights over the top of me thermals. Gonna be a hell of a struggle when I want a pee, but better that than a frozen fundament, eh?

Last year we took Winona with us, and she paraded around in a crop-top the size of a hanky and a mini-skirt that barely covered her assets. I dunno how these young girls do it; they must have antifreeze for blood or something. She’s staying at home this year, of course. She offered, but if anything happened to her and the bump I’d never forgive myself and there’s so many satellites up there these days its always a bit hairy, even with the radar. Frosty’s coming, of course, and all the elves and S junior, and it’s brilliant that Rudolph is back in harness. This time last year I thought I’d never see him up front again: thanks, Big G, I owe you one.

Bless his cottons, Dopey asked if he could give us a hand. I said I didn’t mind but Snow thought it would be a bit too much for him for the whole night. I’ve told him we’re going to go like the clappers and if we can get a bit ahead of ourselves we’ll pick him up for the home stretch. I’ve never seen a littlun so excited! Snow is really stressed out by the whole idea but knows she’s got to give him his space and help him push the boundaries. Sometimes I think it’s harder on the parents, really, ‘cos they have to deal with their own anxieties and the littlun’s. Still, Snow’s doing a grand job; the little fella’s a credit to her.

We had a bit of a scare with the Sleigh this morning. We got the engine back from that Grinch fella with no problem (he’ll be on bread and water over Christmas, by the way – what with the fur I found he had no option but to ‘fess up), but once we got it back under the hood it wouldn’t start. Finally sussed he’d peed in the flux capacitor. It was okay after a quick flush through and neutrino realignment but it had us going for a while. Young Dopey got me thinking along the right lines, ‘cos I remembered that time he peed in my wellies a couple of years ago.

Gaw, he made me laugh today! He was ‘helping’ me with the engine and I had both hands full holding a spanner on a nut that was stuck fast. Course, it needed a bit of a tap on the end to get it going so I gave him the hammer and said ‘Okay, when I nod my head, you hit it’… I ducked just in time, but I should have known better coming out with something like that in the middle of panto season, shouldn’t I? Obvious really, wasn’t it? Ohhhh yes it was… OHHHHH yes it was… …

Anyway, here we are all set for another one then. We’re taking off in about an hour, so I’d better go and do the last checks and programme the Sat-Nav. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing tomorrow have a good one, eh, and most especially remember the goodwill to all men bit o’ the package, even if uncle Bill is a right pain in the Jaxx and aunt Nancy’s got you socks again.

Right, best press on…santa merry christmas

*                                                   *             * Santa. xx


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