Santa’s Blog – Day 10


December 22 2013

Ugh! Well that’s that over for another year, thank heavens. Christmas shopping – what a pain in the bum! Thank heavens I’ve got Frosty to schlep around the shops with – at least we can have a bit of a giggle while we’re about it, which is more than you can say for the other grim eyed beggars wandering around desperately trying to think of something to buy the little lady indoors. Bath bombs, perfume, Oil of bleedin’ Ulay… honestly, what do they do with it all? I got Aunt Nancy a few bath bombs, so that’s her sorted. Mind you, she’s carrying so much weight these days I suppose I really should have got her a couple of bath depth charges!

Of course, that kind of stuff is easy. They can’t get enough of the smellies and body lotions – all you have to do is check the dressing table and bathroom cabinet to make sure you get the right flavours and you can’t go wrong. It’s the main present that causes all the agro. Get that wrong and you’re in the doghouse for months.

Take last year, for example. Mrs C. was chuffed as punch with the Halogen rotary cooker and the all-in Health Spa weekend in Tunbridge Wells when she opened ‘em, but it didn’t last long. The rotary cooker came in handy over Christmas for keeping things warm but was useless as far as actual cooking went. Well, unless you like your food burnt on the outside and raw in the middle. That probably sounds okay to those of you who drag the barbecue out at the first sign of sunny weather but the rest of us tend to prefer our food edible.

As for the spa weekend, that was a total disaster. She spent weeks planning that trip with Winona, getting the flights sorted and spending a fortune on new clobber for promenading around the ‘Historic Old Town’, and they both hated every minute of it. As far as the spa goes, there’s apparently one dried up old well with a rusty bike or something hidden in the bottom delivering a trickle of sulphur scented, muddy orange coloured water that tastes like something your cat would leave in its litter tray! Spa town, indeed, I ask you. Tsk. They say it’s medicinal, but Winona reckons the only medical application she could imagine for it would be as a powerful emetic – her and Mrs C. almost brought up their fish and chip suppers!

The ‘Historic Old Town’ turned out to be that tiny little bit they show in Half a Sixpence, and they could have stayed at home and seen that on DVD. The rest of the town was a bit of an eyesore, apparently, and there’s this grotty old derelict cinema that’s been waiting to be demolished for nigh on twenty years! Who would have thought it in Tunbridge Wells? Mind you, they met a lovely couple from Harrogate and got an invite to see what a real spa town should look like. They had such a lovely time I almost wished I’d let Tink look after the workshop for the week and gone with ‘em! Beautiful, they said it was, and very good value for money too. Mrs C would definitely recommend it if you’re thinking of holidaying in the UK.

Sorry, I’m rambling… As far as shopping goes I reckon I’ve got it sorted. I’ve got her one of them low-fat only-a-teaspoon-of-oil fryer thingies, which she’s had her eye on for ages, and a week’s cookery course with that Rosemary Shrager off the telly. Not sure where she’s got to go for the cookery course – I hadn’t got my reading glasses with me – but either way she gets a week’s cooking and a summer holiday. Frosty’s got Winona the same, and we’ve already had a word with Snow White about her looking after the new baby for a week, so Bob’s your uncle! We’ve got to be on a winner with that!

Oh, well, best get back to it. Only a couple of days to go and the Workshop’s going round the clock with last minute orders again…

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