Santa’s Blog – Day 6


December 18 2013

Blimey, would you Adam and Eve it, I’ve only had an e-mail from some twonk in Tunbridge Wells telling me that after reading my blog the other day he has reported Snow White to social services for child abuse and has named me as a witness! I tell you, if he had had the courage to sign his name properly rather than hiding behind the pseudonym ‘Disgusted’ I would have been round there like a shot and given him a right old kick up the jacksy! Child abuse, indeed – I’ve never heard anything like it – she’s a mum in a million, that girl, and if Social Services ever come sniffing round here I’ll blummin-well tell ‘em.

Basically the idiot was getting his knickers in a twist because of the name ‘Dopey’. He was suggesting it was inappropriate and offensive to call a child with autism that because it implies a negative value judgement. I have no idea how ‘Disgusted’ thinks Dopey’s name could have anything to do with autism when he’s only just been diagnosed, but either way he, ‘Disgusted’, would be barking up the wrong tree because Snow White had nothing to do with naming Dopey in the first place! As his adoptive mum it was a done deal years before she showed up on the scene.

Terrible story, that, how the dwarves lost their real mum. Fought like a demon to protect her kids, but what chance had a slip of a lass like that got against a fully grown mountain troll? Terrible, terrible tragedy, and the fact she fought him off for long enough for all seven of the littluns to escape was a miracle… I don’t know what would have become of ‘em if Snow hadn’t come along – there was nobody else around willing to take ‘em on.

As far as naming them goes, the eldest boys, Grumpy and Happy, seem to remember their mum naming the younger boys depending on how she felt during the pregnancy. Dopey was a blue birth – had the cord round his neck – and she was in labour for hours. He was the only one she had gas and air for – hence feeling ‘dopey’. Truth be told, the lad’s actually a really bright spark, but what with him not being able to ‘do’ social and his dyspraxia and all it would be easy to jump to the wrong conclusion.

Doc, I heard, was named after her gynaecologist. The gynae’s actual Christian name was Shane, but she didn’t want to saddle the baby with a name like that so settled for Doc instead. A lucky escape the boy had there, eh?

It is funny, though, how all of the dwarves’ names reflect their personalities. Take Sneezy, for example, with his multiple allergies and hay fever. How can that just be coincidence? Makes you start to wonder about ‘synchronicity’ and all that other New Age twaddle, doesn’t it? Don’t tell Him, I said so, though, He gets the right old hump over that kind of thing…

Anyway, coming back to ‘Disgusted’: I hope if you’ve read this blog you’re feeling reassured, you smug little berk. If not, do drop me a line and I’ll make sure not to pop round and see you on Christmas Eve. Capiche?

Right, must press on; the workshop doesn’t run itself, you know.


santa's siggy


2 thoughts on “Santa’s Blog – Day 6”

  1. Fab stuff – I’m still trying find time to catch up with the back story – I’ll get there in the end! Although I would say that if a child was named based on the effects of Gas & Air then ‘Just-downed-a-tripple-G&T-in-one-y’ might be more appropriate than ‘Dopey’ in my experience!

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