SANTA’S BLOG (2012) – It’s Christmas Eve!


You know, no matter how many times I do this I still get nervous come the big day. So many people depending on us, see – enough to drive any man to the mince pies and sherry. I’ve got Frosty and his young lady and little S helping out this year as well as all the elves, so it should be a doddle, but you never really know until you get started. I’ve warned Frosty I want no messing from him and that lass – I’m really pleased things are going well for him but I don’t want him upsetting the apple cart with his showing off. He’s like a big kid when he’s all loved up, and that’s fine most of the time but tonight is serious business.

I tell you, there’s some lovely smells coming out of our kitchen. She’s doing all the pastries this morning and she puts that baker’s shop in town to shame. Her short crust is a work of art – you’ll get nowt like that from a packet. She’s been saving up the lemonade bottles again for her homemade ginger wine. By ‘eck, that warms the cockles! Tessa’s done us proud – you gets back more the more you put in, there’s no doubt about that. She’ll just fit in the oven, but there won’t be much space around the edges. Just as well we’ve got the twin Aga or we’d be stuffed for tata’s and stuffing. Gor, my mouth’s watering already.

I’m on orders to pick up some mixed nuts on our rounds – she’s just found out that young Dopey has gone veggie, and she’s gotta knock him up a nut cutlet for his main course on Boxing Day. Always said there was something odd about that boy. Veggie – I ask you! Mind you, give the lad his due he’s doing it proper like. None of this oh only chicken and fish malarkey. Deserves a pat on the back for that, even if I don’t agree with his principles. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for animal welfare and humane farming – Tessa would be the first to tell you that, God rest her soul – but it all seems a bit self-defeating to me after that. I mean, just look at the endangered species lists – we’ve hardly got a good record for looking after the animals we don’t eat have we? Yes, I know, my logic’s all to cock as well – but at least I get a proper Christmas dinner out of it! 🙂

It’s going to be funny tonight without Rudolph. He hasn’t missed a run since 1949. Ironic that. It was the year that record about him got to number 1 and he was so full of himself he went on a right old bender. Woke up in a cow shed in Aberdeen on January 4th with his antlers wedged in a feeding bucket and a headache the size of Nebraska. Never has worked out how he got there, or why that 2-ton Angus heifer was looking so pleased with herself. Blimey, I miss him. Can’t wait to talk to him on the phone tomorrow.

Well, I can’t be doing with this all day. I’ve got a million and one things I should be getting on with before we set off, so it only really remains to say:

santa merry christmas


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