SANTA’S BLOG (2012) – Day 1


Rudolph’s got the squitts again. I’ve warned him countless times about those juniper berries but he won’t listen. I’ve had Alf and some of the other elves clean it up, and Rudolph’s on dry rations until he stops fermenting, but the smell in the stables is awful and it’s costing me a fortune in straw bedding.

Tessa’s looking nice and plump. I’ve started mixing dried sage and onion into her regular cornmeal and upped her feeding schedule to three times a day. She’ll be a whopper by Christmas – hope she’ll fit in the oven.

Trouble at the factory again – the heating’s on the blink and the usual complaints of Jack Frost nipping at my nose have started flooding in. I’ve had Jack tied up in the back garden, but there’s not much I can do about the boiler. I waited in all day on Tuesday and still missed the engineer. How do they know when you go to take a dump? They must have some sort of radar in the back of their van. No sooner have you got your keks down and the paper unfolded than they’re banging on the door and shoving ‘I called but you weren’t home’ messages through the letterbox. I screamed my lungs off, of course, but he didn’t hear me. Blummin’ I-Pods – I wish Alf had never invented ‘em!

Took the missus to watch the Northern Lights again last night. Brilliant! What gets me, though, is the Council Tax bill for ‘community lighting’. If anything we should get a reduction with that lot going on overhead and costing ’em nowt. Mind you, they could use a few more ‘big bang’ centrepieces these days, but that aside it’s still the best natural light show going. That’s the trouble with Disneyland, see, it raises unrealistic expectations. Once you’ve seen their Night-time Firework Extravaganza these little local shows pale into insignificance. Nature’s great, but it’ll never compete with global marketing. Talking of which, I got my new suit delivered this morning. Red again! I should dig my heels in, really, but it’s only once a year and it’s nice of them to pick up the bill for me.

Went polar bear hunting this afternoon with Frosty The Snowman. Not a sausage – I think they’re getting wise to us. Had to come home early when we ran out of bait. Daft beggar – Frosty had brought tinned peas! Said he couldn’t find any frozen :lol :lol.  Lucky my Swiss Army Knife has an opener attachment. And he’d forgotten the shovel so we had to dig the ice-hole by hand.

Ah – Missus has just shouted up the stairs; she’s putting the DVD on. We’re watching Pirates of the Caribbean again as it’s her favourite. Makes a change from Top Gear and Gadget Show re-runs on Dave – all S junior wants to watch these days. Wish we’d never got Freeview most nights.

Ho Hum

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2 thoughts on “SANTA’S BLOG (2012) – Day 1”

    1. You just have to hit ‘next’ at the top of the page. I realised after tweeting about all 12 blogs that to link to all twelve would hi-jack your thread. If you want to read them all, just click ‘next’ but I won’t be offended if you don’t. I have another dozen ready for the 12 days of Christmas this year too 🙂

      Thanks for feedback 😀

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