Despite my best intentions the week got away from me AGAIN and I haven’t got a blog written. That’s skool holidays for you…
Out of curiosity I looked back to my very first blog on the OU website to see if my blogging style has developed. The short answer is no. Actually, that’s the long answer too. That said, it’s only been a couple of years, which came as a bit of a shock. If it seems longer for you, dear reader, that’s nowt to how it feels to me…
Anyhoo, here in all its glory my very first blog, from 31st October 2010…
My son and his BFF are downstairs killing zombies and aliens on the X-Box so I’m confined to barracks for the duration. I could, of course, spend the time revising or even just reading the course materials, but that seems far too sensible a way to spend a Sunday morning. Besides, it’s hard to concentrate when you can hear two giggly teenagers farting and belching in the background as they chase school friends dressed in body armour across the surface of some distant planet or slash the throat of a groaning zombie Nazi who’s managed to get too close for even short arm firearms to be effective.
My son is crap zombie killer, BTW. If ever there is another face-2-face war of any description he will be one of the first foot soldiers to bite the big one. Hopefully, in that position, he will make like Monty Python’s Sir Robin (When danger reared its ugly head/Boldly brave Sir Robin fled/Brave, brave, brave, brave, Sir Robin…), put an egg in his shoe and beat it.
Anyhoo. Long and short of it is I’m in the bedroom, still in my night-time lee-sya suit (all day pj’s for the uninitiated) and thinking I ought to give this blogging lark a try because I ain’t not never not done it before, and as the whole world seems to be getting the jump on me this century it’s about bloody time I started. Now all I need is a life to blog about (though having said that, after reading a couple of online blogs in the past, that doesn’t exactly seem an absolute necessity).
It’s actually Halloween tonight, of course, but as son and his BFF have skool tomorrow we did our Halloween stuff last night. That’s basically me slaving like a bastard all day in the kitchen so they can stuff their faces while watching horror movies in the evening.
I carved the pumpkin in the morning. Usually I do something really arty using a template, but as son had no interest in ‘helping’ whatsoever this year I did the bog standard jack-o-lantern that took about five minutes max after all the scraping out malarkey. We named him Isaiah, predictably, because as soon as I lit him and showed him to Ben he said ‘One eyes higher than the other’. Still, not being a religious lot that was the first time Ben had heard that old chestnut, and I did get a small titter (ooooh, missus, no, no – nay nay and thrice nay etc etc) for my trouble.
I pan roasted the seeds (they make good fingernails for sausage (mummy) fingers, BTW, if you’re so inclined) and for the first time this year actually made some muffins with the flesh. Pureed pumpkin has all the flavour and texture of monkey’s jizz wallpaper paste, which is why I’ve never bothered, but if you bung in some spices and ginger and nuts and stuff you can make a very nice, sticky muffin that tastes a bit like carrot cake. yum yum.
In the past we’ve always had a ‘Halloween menu’ (see sossidge mummified fingers above and pics below), but the boy’s a bit old for that now so we just had meatballs (didn’t even bother pretending they were testicles) an’ pasta and then a choc meringue roulade for pud.
After Harry Hill we fired up the DVD and watched Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead (I find it hard to believe that Penelope Wilton, a fine actress, would not, as Simon Pegg’s mum, have known how to spell ‘Sean’, don’t you? tsk tsk…)
The boys ate copious amounts of popcorn and drank small quantities of pear cider. I drank copious amounts of Red Wine and occasionally got shouted at for ‘stealing’ a few grains of popcorn dust.
I shuffled them off to bed at around midnight, then watched a Ross Noble DVD until they settled. Ross Noble is like improvised comedy but without the comedy, I discovered. No, that’s a bit harsh. He was actually quite funny in places but sometimes the gaps between laughs were larger than anticipated…
Anyhoo. They were up at six this morning, and nervous that their blood sugar levels might be dipping after six hours sleep I fired four or five pancakes at each of them. I had a piece of toast.
It is now, even with the clocks going back (hope you all remembered), almost midday, and I have to kick BFF out as my son needs to go clothes shopping this arvo, so ‘here endeth the first blogging’.
Is this what a blogs meant to be, by the way? I haven’t a clue, so any tips gratefully accepted.
Postscript: I really will try to get my finger out so there’s something new and contemporary for next week’s blog. I’ll try to watch some telly – that usually gives me something to moan about… If I don’t make it, though, please bear with me, dear reader, until skool hols are done and normal (ha!) service is resumed.
Oh – meant to say… was disappointed in one way by ‘lympics opening ceremony because it was actually very good and I had little to take the piss out of. TBH, I found myself feeling quite emoshunal and patriotic at one point. Now anyone who knows me will confirm that the former is easy to achieve – point me in the direction of a ikkle baybee or play me a melancholy chord progression and I’ll blub like an eejut – but the latter falls into the rare as rocking horse shit category in Oddly Mansions, so a big up to Danny, Karl and Rick and the cast of thousands (including one personal friend) who did such a brilliant job. Chiz Chiz.