Wordy Rappinghood…

Gosh! I’ve been rushing around like a fly with a blue bottom for the past couple of weeks or so helping organise stuff for the various UNFEST events I mentioned in my last blog. This has mostly involved buying a huge number of A4 “certificate” frames from a well known budget retail blue arsed flyoutlet and designing/ printing / laminating an equally impressive number of arty postcards (not that sort of “art” postcard, you filthy-minded buggers!) in a variety of sizes and finishes, but alongside that I’ve also been writing all sorts of rubbish to put on said postcards. Oh, and I made a big letterbox out of cardboard and covered it in duct tape too. Blimey, it’s an exciting life, isn’t it? Continue reading “Wordy Rappinghood…”

How long?!

Blimey, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? As those who very kindly opted to receive update notifications will know I’ve become somewhat lax as far as blogging goes. I would love to say this is because I’ve got caught up in a whirlpool of exciting and lucrative-but-time-consuming ventures that have kept me far too occupied to post, but of course I would be lying. I’ve just been busy doing nothing (well, next to nothing), and as far as my financial situation goes I’m just as skint as I’ve always been. Gold-diggers be warned – seduce me by all means, but as far as payouts go fish and chips and the odd pint of bitter is about as far as my wallet will stretch.

Anyhoo, a blog saying ‘I’ve done bugger all since Christmas’ is probably even worse than no blog at all, so here are a few bits and pieces I’ve done / am doing that justify the parenthesis (that’s “brackets” for those standing in the corner with pointy hats on) in the above paragraph. Continue reading “How long?!”

Twenty-First Century Santa…

Blimey, it’s Christmas Eve! My mince pies and sossidge rolls are all ready to go and the goose is ready for bathing overnight in a big bucket of fruity, herby, boozy brine – I’m ahead of the game for once! Here’s a little bit of fiction I wrote for the Tunbridge Wells Writers Christmas Countdown. I hope you enjoy it, but even if you don’t have a Very Merry Christmas and Wonderful New Year anyway! x 

TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY SANTA

The street is silent, the early darkness and biting cold keeping people inside their homes. The shower of snowflakes falling from the sky is too light to lay; the flakes melt on impact with the ground. The grey paving slabs of the footpath and black asphalt road surface glisten with reflected light from the yellow street lamps. If the gritters aren’t out tonight the roads will be treacherous by morning.

kiplingA white van turns into the street, its headlights illuminating posters in the windows of the corner shop. Quality Street are five quid a tub for this week only, and Mr Kipling’s deep-filled mince pies are only ninety-nine pee for a pack of six. There are wines on special offer too, and there’s a lottery draw this weekend guaranteed to make four lucky winners millionaires.

The van passes the corner shop and pulls over to the kerb outside of number eighty-six. The driver sits for a moment watching the snow dancing in his headlights. He smiles, his lips, red from the cold, almost concealed behind his curly white moustache and beard. He turns off the headlights and cuts the engine then opens the door and steps out onto the road. Continue reading “Twenty-First Century Santa…”